These are the 200 best and funniest corny dad jokes for any occasion, according to a comedian and instructor at the Second City comedy club. From bad puns to corny one-liners, these are the best dad jokes of all time. Great for kids and adults, these bad-but-good gags will leave everyone in stitches.
To begin, they have the skill of grilling completely mastered. Burgers with the ideal level of doneness? Medium-rare steak? Where’s the mustard on that hot dog? Verify, verify, and double-check!
Then there is their extraordinary capacity to mend virtually anything, from broken bikes to leaking sewers and everything in between. They can fix anything. However, maybe the most astonishing thing about them is the fact that they are always prepared with a dad joke (whether you like it or not).
Dads have an unending supply of wholesome one-liners that are guaranteed to make you wince while laughing at the same time. These one-liners can range from corny puns to cheesy knock-knock jokes. Even if you are aware of the reason why the chicken ran across the road, he will be sure to remind you of it over and over again, typically while imposing a “Dad Tax” on your preferred munchie.
Best Dad Jokes And Puns
“Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.”
“I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!”
“I don’t really call for funerals that start before noon. I guess I’m just not a mourning person!”
“Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.”
“Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.”
“I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.”
“Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.”
“What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.”
“What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.”
“I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.”
“Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
“What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.”
“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!”
“What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.”
“Why couldn’t the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn’t habanero.”
“What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.”
“Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.”
“Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now.”
“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.”
“Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.”
“What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.”
“Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.”
“What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.”
“I never buy pre-shredded cheese. Because doing it yourself is grate.”
“What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.”
“What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.”
“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.”
“If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?”
“I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
“Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!”
“My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.”
“Can February March? No, but April May!”
“What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.”
“What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.”
“Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”
“If an English teacher is convicted of a crime and doesn’t complete the sentence, is that a fragment?”
“Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.”
“I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”
“If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!”
“I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace!”
“What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.”
“How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.”
“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!”
“How do trees get on the internet? They log in.”
“A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.””
“What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries”
“Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.”
“Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.”
“Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.”
“What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.”
“Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?” Teacher: “It’s ‘may.'” Student: “No, it’s January.””
“What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth rock.”
“I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!”
“What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.”
“What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!”
“What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.”
“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.”
“How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.”
“Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.”
“How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.”
“I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.”
“What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.”
“What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!”
“Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.”
“Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.”
“What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.”
“Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.”
“One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!”
“Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?”
“Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.”
“Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy.”
“What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!”
“I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!”
“How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.”
“Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.”
“Some people can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology. They bug me in ways I can’t put into words.”
“What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.”
“Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.”
“Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.”
“How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.”
“What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.”
“Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.”
“What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.”
“What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.”
“Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.”
“After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!”
“What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.”
“What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.”
“What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.”
“What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.”
“Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.”
“Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!”
“What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.”
“Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.”
“Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.”
“Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.”
“What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered.”
“What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.”
“Why can’t the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C.”
“What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.”
“Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.”
“What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.”
“Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.”
“What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.”
“I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.”
“Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota!”
“Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.”
“This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!”
“I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.”
“What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.”
“Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.”
“I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
“Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.”
“What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.”
“My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.”
“Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.”
“What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!”
“Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.”
“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!”
“Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.”
“How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.”
“What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.”
“Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!”
“Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.”
“What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.”
“What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”
“What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.”
“How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.”
“Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.”
“Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.”
“I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.”
“How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.”
“Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.”
“I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!”
“Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.”
“When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”
“Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.”
“What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.”
“Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.”
“My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!””
“What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.”
“How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.”
“Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.”
“Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.”
“What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.”
“Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.”
“What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.”
“What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!”
“I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.”
“How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.”
“If towels could tell jokes, I think they’d have a very dry sense of humor.”
“What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.”
“Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.”
“Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.”
“Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.”
“If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?”
“Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.”
“I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!”
“What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.”
“What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.”
“A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!”
“I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns!”
“Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!”
“Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.”
“How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.””
“Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.”
“Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.”
“What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”
“Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.”
“What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.”
“Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.”
“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”
“How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!”
“Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.”
“Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.”
“My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.””
“Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.”
“What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”
“How do you organize a space party? You planet.”
“Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.”
“I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.”
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick!”
“I just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend. It maybe wasn’t the best idea, because it meant I couldn’t see the TV.”
“What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!”
“Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.”
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there!”
“Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.”
“Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!”
“Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!”
“How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.”
“How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.”
“Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.”
“I tell dad jokes but I have no kids…I’m a faux pa!”
“Why was the broom late? It over-swept.”
“I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!”
“What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it’s got the most stories.”
“Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.”
“How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.”
“Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.”
“What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows”
“A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!””
“What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community? A socially dissed ant.”
“What did the Ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? “Close the door, I’m dressing!””
“What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.”
“What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.”
“It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.”
“What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”
“Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.”
“A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.”
“What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.”
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
“What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.”
“What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one’s on the house.”
“What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.”
“Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.”
“”Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.””
“Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.”
Let’s get one thing straight: dad jokes aren’t meant to be shared only with fathers. So, if you’re looking for some new material that goes beyond your favorite Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day, and other holiday-centric laughs, browse through this list of the best dad jokes. Some of these jokes are classics that are sure to make him groan, while others are ones that he’s probably never heard before. It’s time to break out the uncomfortable laughter and roll your eyes.
