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45 Funny Jokes Minions Quotes With Images | Funny Text Messages

Everyone loves minions and these hilarious minion quotes will put a smile on your face. Here are 45 Very funny Minion Quotes and Funny images! We hope you will love them. See more ideas about Minions quotes, Minions, Minions memes, Minions pictures.

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1. “I know I’m weird, but sometimes it makes me laugh, and that just makes me super happy.”

2. “Admit it… Life would be boring without me”

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3. “I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.”

4. “Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and stroll out through my mouth. This is never a good thing.”

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5. “I’m going stop asking ‘How dumb can you get?’ People seem to be taking it as a challeng!e”

6. “The world would be a nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would get even better if some of them chocked on it.”

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7. “Feeling so tired that I think I might have that Chinese disease called dragon ass.”

8. “When a woman says “What?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.”

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9. “I don’t have an attitude problem I just have a personality you can’t handle!”

10. “When I get old, I’m not going to sit around knitting. I’m going to be clicking my life alert button to see how many hot firefighters show up!”

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11. “My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I know, right?”

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12. “I hate it when people are at your house and ask ’do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard. ”

13. “I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job. He asked which three were interested, I said the gas, electric and cable.”

14. “Hardest job ever: working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed.”

15. “Not only wearing grumpy pants today. I have the whole outfit on and socks to match!”

16. “I might look like I’m doing nothing.. But in my head I’m quite busy!”

17. “Parenting Hack: when punishing your kids, don’t take away their electronics. Just take their charger and watch the fear in their eyes as they use it less and less while the battery slowly dies.”

18. “Have you ever just looked at someone and said… “Seriously?””

19. “Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up.”

20. “Aren’t just missing the odd screw. The whole”

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21. “if my body was a car I’d trade it in for a newer model. Cause every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires.”

22. “I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.”

23. “OMG, I have finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side , there is nothing left..”

24. “Dear lord, all I ask is for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make me a bad person! ”

25. “My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning so I stayed home to take care of it. ”

26. “I know the voices in my head aren’t real …. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!”

27. “If I manage to survive the rest of the week, I would like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle.”

28. “I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one”

29. “I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.”

30. “Math made simple. If you have $20you’re your wife has $5, she has $25.”

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31. “I don’t have to worry about getting kidnapped, they would bring me back in less than an hour!!”

32. “I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.”

33. “Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house. It worked! The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked!!”

34. “You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me.. I’ll train you!”

35. “Interesting confusions 1. Can you cry under water? 2. Do fishes ever get thirsty? 3. Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep? 4. Why is it called building when it is already built? 5. When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it? 6. If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches? 7. Why does round pizza come in square box? 8. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle? Crazy world isn’t it?”

36. “Caution: When someone says get a grip, apparently around their neck is not what they meant… who knew?”

37. “Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.”

38. “I have to stop saying “How stupid can you be?” Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.”

39. “I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself I never knew.”

40. “Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.”

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41. “A friend will calm you down when you are angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing “Someone’s gonna get it””

42. “Don’t judge me just because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”

43. “The tongue has no bones, but its strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words”

44. “I don’t judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, gender, ability or size. I base it on whether or not they’re an asshole”

45. “They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.”

46. “I’m not a smartass… I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent sarcasm.”

47. “Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous!”

48. “I’m a little smart ass, fat and stout. Here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up I will shout, piss me off and I’ll knock you out!”

49. “We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”

50. “I’m a girl. I don’t smoke, drink or party every weekend. I don’t sleep around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we still do exist.”

51. “Never go to bed angry…stay awake and plot revenge.”

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