Looking for funny quotes about life? to help you get through today. These Short funny words will inspire you at the same time laugh out loudly. “The only mystery in life is not about how you survive the storm, it’s about how you dance in the rain.
Inspirational quotes about life and success between lines in Real life often have a lot of real stresses. “The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever”. Here are our favorite funny motivational quotes about life, work and becoming successful.
Life can sometimes be a true challenge. To brighten your mood, we’ve created a list with some of the funniest quotes about life. Enjoy! Share the best funny quotes on life inspirational collection by famous authors and comedians. Join the fun pun… I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life…
Here are some short and funny quotes about life to bring a smile to your face:
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
- “I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.'”
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
- “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny quotes on life relationship advice Words To Make You Laugh “If you love someone let them go. If they come back with coffee it was meant to be.” Funny quotes about love to express “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
1. “You sir are the human version of period cramps”
2. “I hide behind sarcasm because telling you to go fuck yourself is considered rude in most social situations.”
3. “Did you just fall?” “No. I attacked the floor.” “Backwards?” “I’m freaking talented!”
4. “Diet tip: Your pants will never be too tight if you don’t wear any.”
5. “Life is a bitch so learn how to fuck it.”
6. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hold on tight, and believe.”
7. “OMG! Slow down! Yer gonna get us killed!”
8. “Das schicksal ordnet still und leise, das leben ganz auf seine weise. Fate assigns quietly that live entirely in his own way”
9. “Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.”
10. “Always keep your chin up… otherwise, you are just looking at your boobs all day.”
11. “I’m not an astronomer, but I’m pretty sure that the earth revolves around the sun and not you.”
12. “When people tell me I need to smile more….”
13. “Dude my phone rang during the funeral!!! So? My ring tone is the highway to hell!”
14. “I wish people came with a 30-second trailer. So I can see what I’m getting myself into.”
15. “Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy. Sometimes, it simply means that you are a strong person.”
16. “If bedbugs are found on beds, who ever came up with the name cockroach?”
17. “Relationships are much like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”
18. “I just cleaned everything from top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everyone to stop living here.”
19. “Pandora opened the box with the new high-heels, put them on and went out to town.”
20. “Be yourself. People don’t have to like you, and you don’t have to care.”
21. “Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there 20 minutes late.”
22. “I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this.”
23. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
24. “If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.”
25. “It’s going to be one of those days. The voices in my head are fighting. My imaginary friend is running with scissors, and at one point one of my personalities wandered off.”
26. “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.”
27. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
28. “Customers will never love a company until the employees love it first.”
29. “My fondest childhood memory is not having to spend 40 hours a week with people who make me feel angry and tired so that I can afford to buy paper towels and laundry detergent”
30. “I hate how chocolates immediately melt on my fingers. I mean, am I that hot?”
31. “I was just another promise that you couldn’t keep.”
32. “When people tell me they’re “spiritual” I’m like “Demons are spirits too… be more specific.””
33. “It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing… I have that skill.”
34. “If you fall, I’ll be there.”
35. “Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.”
35. “When nothing goes right… go left.”
37. “I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously.. Some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard.”
38. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”
39. “Each time a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch – just to show them what I am capable of.”
40. “If you fart loudly in public, just yell, “Jet power!” and start walking faster.”
41. “Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart stuff I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seat belt on.”
42. “Teacher: “Why are you talking during my lesson?” Student: “Why are you teaching during my conversation?””
43. “I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas.”
44. “Today’s 3 year olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps me? When I was 3, I ate mud”
45. “Once you let mother fuckers slide, they start to think they can iceskate.”
56. “A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret.”
47. “…On the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.”
48. “You are going to be fine. You come from a strong line of lunatics.”
49. “I take the L and R on my headphones seriously”
50. “I look at people sometimes and think …really? That’s the sperm that won?!”
51. “The older I get, the meaner I get. I’m pretty sure it won’t be long before I start biting people.”
52. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.”
53. “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.”
54. “I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me.”
55. “From this point on, I’m going to treat people exactly how they treat me some should be glad, some should be scared.”
56. “My heart has no room for you, but the trunk of my car definitely does.”
57. “Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate just one time”
58. “My ceiling fan has 3 speeds: 1) Barely moving. 2) Kinda feels like it’s working. 3) Is going to fly off the ceiling and kill someone.”
59. “Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions?”
60. “Today is Saturday, which means that the only decision that you should be making is whether to have a bottle or a glass of wine.”
61. “A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.”
62. “I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday”
63. “Smile………… it will either warm their heart or piss them off… either way you win!”
64. “Aliens probably ride past earth and lock their doors….”
65. “Me: I am a strong, intelligent, college educated woman. Also me: Wed-nes-day”
66. “Remember, if you can’t say something nice… Make it funny.”
67. “This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.”
68. “When someone says “Expect the unexpected” slap them and say “You didn’t expect that, did you?”
69. “Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours.”
70. “Sex is like math: You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don’t multiply.”
71. “There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.”
72. “There is no angry way to say bubbles.”
73. “If I wanted, I could destroy everything. But I’m a good girl.”
74. “If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”
75. “You know when you buy a bag of salad & it gets all brown & soggy? Cookies don’t do that”
76. “You: Teacher! Teacher: Yes? You: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not. You: I didn’t do my homework.”
77. “Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Blink Monday”
Funny Quotes Pictures & Images
Need a good laugh? Here are the best funny pictures quotes and images, funny memes, Hilarious memes and Hilarious. this 77 Funny Pictures That Will Make You Laugh.
31 Hilarious Funny Quotes You Won’t Stop Laughing At
