Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard A day without laughter is a day wasted. — Charlie Chaplin’s “Laughter heals all wounds, and that’s one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you’re going through, it makes you forget about your problems. I think the world should keep laughing.”
So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 67 funny quotes “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” Laugh Quotes and Laughing Quotes. [Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. A good laugh heals a lot of hurts. — A good laugh is a mighty good thing, a rather too scarce good thing. — A good laugh is sunshine in the house. — A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Top Funniest quotes with pics and memes lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings. Life is hard.
Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard
Funny for the year I’ve had! Just have to turn yourself around!
1. “Farting is like the song from Frozen. Work: Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know… At home: Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore…”
2. “Hurt me and you’re going to feel pain. Hurt my best friend and you’re going to need an ambulance. Hurt my family.. I’m going to need a shovel.”
3. “Each time a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch – just to show them what I am capable of.”
4. “Sorry, your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin”
5. “I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
6. “Life is to short to be serious all the time. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me, I’ll laugh at you.”
7. “When you ask your kid to smile for a picture.”
8. “Time traveler: What are you doing? Me: Getting ready to run into area 51 Time traveler: Oh, the area 51 massacre is this year? Me: The what.”
9. “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw It hard enough.”
10. “Throw a spider at the one in the middle and let the fun begin.”
11. “Based on how I react When toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.”
12. “I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.”
13. “Decaf coffee? You mean brown sadness water?”
14. “I know a good company when I see one.”
15. “One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that someone is happy because of you.”
16. “I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle, he said “Hi!, how are you?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”. The voice said “So what are you up to?”. I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”. He said, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”. The voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions.””
17. “Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was lke riding a bike. It’s not.”
18. “No I don’t need anger management you need to stop pissing me off!”
19. “Roses are red, violets are blue a face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don’t you worry I’ll be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you!”
20. “The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”.”
21. “Sweet jesus please let me live I promise never to eat taco bell ever again.”
22. “I fold fitted sheets exactly how I’d fight off a boa constrictor.”
23. “I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not willy wonka.”
24. “Ho made apple butter bitch did what?”
25. “Experience means you did a lot of things wrong.”
26. “I’m sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.”
27. “I’m going to try and act like a normal, happy and mentally stable person. Wish me luck!”
28. “I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously.. Some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard.”
29. “The best revenge is massive success.”
30. “When your play style in fighting games is just “wouldn’t it be funny if this landed” and it lands.”
31. “They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good- looking, intelligent, and cultured.”
32. “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
33. “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”
34. “I don’t always learn my lesson, but when I do you can bet I learned it the hard way.”
35. “DEJA POO: The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.”
36. “My momma didn’t raise a fool. A fucking psycho maybe, but no fool.”
37. “Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?”
38. “I’m just one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.”
39. “This woman was sleeping in snake printed pajamas and her one foot was outside the blanket. Well her husband thought it was snake and he broke her foot.”
40. “Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson Learned.”
41. “If you’re happy and you know it thank your EX(clap, clap).”
42. “I never dreamed I’d grow up to be an asshole but here I am killin’it.”
43. “Apparently “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “what motivates you?”
44. “You just realized… Duck, duck, goose is the only game where you can hit people on the head and run away laughing.”
45. “If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
46. “I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.”
47. “Too old for snapchat, too young for life alert.”
48. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
49. “It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.”
50. “If I offended you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears eating chips and working on my tan.”
51. “Alexa, clean the house.”
52. “Askhole – A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.”
53. “If the rock runs for president in 2020 there’s only one thing that can defeat him.”
54. “You’re about as pleasant as an itchy butthole….”
55. “Listen, I still want to be invited but I’m not coming.”
56. “The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition, there are no copies. And I bet right now you are thinking ‘thank God’.”
57. “In life, it’s important to know when to stop arguing with people and simply let them be wrong.”
58. “Queens don’t compete with Hoes.”
59. “Stop crying about being a doormat and get the fuck off the floor.”
60. “I’m here to kick-ass and drink whiskey. And pilgrim, I’m all out of whiskey.”
61. “Sorry boss… You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. It can’t be both.”
62. “So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.”
63. “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
64. “My playlist when it goes on shuffle.”
65. “The world is not filled with assholes but they are strategically placed so that you run across one every day. Every. Fucking. Day.”
66. “Sometimes we expect too much from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”
67. “Instead of a sign that says: “Do not disturb” I need one that says: “Already disturbed proceed with caution”.”
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