39 Cool Funny Quotes Life

Cool Funny Quotes Life and best Funny Memes life sayings “Don’t make me mad and then tell me to calm down. That’s like shooting so… Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! — Billy Connolly Short funny quotes “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch

One of the best things to do to improve your health is to laugh often. Improve your mood by reading these quotes about all the things life has to offer. It is easy to be pessimistic, especially when it feels like life keeps knocking you down. But don’t let things get you down! We’ve put together …

Funny quotes and sayings “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

#1. “The cold side of the pillow. The best feeling ever!!”

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#2. “What you shouldn’t say to your wife”

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#3. “When the Lord calls you home in the middle of the third quarter”

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#4. “Some people couldn’t be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy garland stood there singing somewhere over the rainbow.”

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#5. “Those moments you hope your child’s sass will help them lead a company and not a gang in prison.”

39 Cool Funny Quotes Life #funny quotes on life#6. “If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it’s located.”

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#7. “If we all switched to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.”

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#8. “What it’s like to fire AR-15 wonder what it feels like to be that much of a wuss…”

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#9. “We were wolves once, wild and wary. Then we noticed you had sofas.”

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#10. “When the boogey man goes to bed at night, he checks for chuck Norris.”

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#11. “Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It’s not dead, it’s just afraid to move.”

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#12. “Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.”

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#13. “Never ask Google for medical advice I have gone from mild headache to clinically dead in three clicks….”

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#14. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”

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#15. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”

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#16. “I’m not a smartass… I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent sarcasm.”

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#17. “The hardest part of my job is.. Being nice to stupid people.”

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Also Read: Top 35 Happiness Quotes Positive Good Vibes That Will Inspire You

#18. “I’m not in a bad mood everyone is just annoying”

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#19. “I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.”

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#20. “Karma the joy of watching someone get what they deserve! Professionalism the ability to sit back and enjoy the show and keep your mouth shut!”

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#21. “If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink wine… you’re an amateur and we can’t be friends.”

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#22. “Checkmate”

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#23. “You can’t truly call yourself an adult until you get really angry because they changed the layout of your favorite grocery store again.”

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Funny Quotes With Pictures

#24. “As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

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#25. “Dear life, could you at least start using lubricant?”

Also Read: Top 35 Good Morning Quotes With Images and Good Morning Messages

#26. “This is what happens when they get quiet”

#27. “Lord, please give me patience because if you give me the strength I’ll need bail money too…”

#28. “I’m not fat. I’m just so freakin’ sexy it overflows”

#29. lOST PUPPY

#30. “1988: Don’t get in the car with strangers. 2002: Don’t meet people from the internet. 2018: Uber”

#31.

#32. “Walmart is closing 269 stores in 2019 putting 14 cashier’s out of work.”

Also Read: Top 38 Achievement Quotes To Inspire Massive Success Life

#33. “I’m not old I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck…. Everything made the same noise: ‘CRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCK!’ …. I came to a conclusion: I am not old, I am crispy!”

#34. “Now that’s how you do it for a minute I thought he was going to go pass the pool…”

#35. “If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation”

#36. “There’s a chance this is wine”

#37. “If you want the best seat in the house… You’ll have to move the dog”

#38. DON’T LOOK AT ME

#39. “Wanna know a secret? Somebody out there can’t stop thinking about you.. You are beautiful.. Don’t ever believe differently..”

We are always looking to find a way to express how much friendship or friends mean to us. There is all kinds of friendships and friendships are an important part of our life. A true friend can be hard to find, and when you have true friendships it is important to invest time in your friends. Our friendship quotes are perfectly describing the beauty of friendship. We have beautiful friendship quotes for every sort of friendship. These friendship quotes are a good way to share how important your friends are to you and maybe you can learn an important lesson about being a good friend.