Funny quotes and images. Top 45 Of The Best Funny Memes & Funny Pictures Of Today That Prove The Struggle. Here are some funny words to help remind you that in order to get what you want in life, you often have to go beyond what your funny thought you were…
The perfect hand-picked compilation of the most amazing Random Funny Memes tagged with Featured, fun pics, funnies, funny, funny meme, funny memes, funny pics, Funny Pictures.
Contents
Funny Quotes
- “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright”
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright”
- “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray”
“Holy crap, I’m Batman!”
- “I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there. Steven Wright”
- “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite”
- “I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin”
Extremely Funny Quotes
- “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill”
- “That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin”
- “I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright”
- “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers”
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams”
- “Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. Jim Carrey”
- “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard”
Funny Quotes For Friends
- “I’m addicted to placebos. Steven Wright”
- “I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Pablo Picasso”
- “My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Rodney Dangerfield”
- “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg”
- “Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. Unknown”
- “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller”
- “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. Zach Galifianakis”
Funny Crazy Quotes
- “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln”
- “Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers”
- “Sane is boring. R.A. Salvatore”
- “I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield”
- “Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control, I will be late. Unknown”
- “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. Unknown”
- “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield”
Funny Quotes On Life
- “When nothing is going right, go left. Unknown”
- “Puns are the highest form of literature. Alfred Hitchcock”
- “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Mitch Hedberg”
- “Am I perfect? No. But am I striving to be a better person every day? Also no. Unknown”
- “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain”
- “Everything is changing. People are taking comedians seriously and politicians as a joke. Will Rogers”
- “I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg”
- “I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright”
Funny Quotes About Me
- “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
- “Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton”
- “I like Kit-Kat unless I’m with four or more people. Mitch Hedberg”
- “I came from a really tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield”
- “People are like music. Some speak the truth, and others are just noise. Bill Murray”
- “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday”
Best Funny Memes
“No one! He calls my little brother an ankle-biter.”
“I think I found my spirit animal, which does absolutely nothing and dies.”
“When someone asks you a question so stupid, you have to take a minute to make sure you heard what you thought you heard.”
“I’ve seen a lot in my life, but never a smoking car holding a selfie stick.”
“So I was high last night and thought to myself, “Lol, I’m going to draw a happy little face on this banana, because why the fuck not?”I came downstairs this morning and nearly pissed myself.”
“Sorry for being late. I got caught up in enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
“”Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.”
“when you forget your backpack.”
“when you’re with bae and they start smiling at their phone.Excuse me, but your happiness is sitting right here.”
“Children must always wear a seat belt. except if you put 50 of them in one vehicle.”
“Finally, I found the square root!”
“I’m into fitness—I’ve got a whole pizza in my mouth.”
“when you hit your pinky toe on the leg of the couch.”
“During a 4-hour standoff, Pug begins fighting with police and a real dog.”
Funny Pictures
“McDonald’s is now hiring smiling feces.”
“I love waving at random people. You know that for the rest of the day they’re trying to figure out who I am.”
“How the hell is the ball still in your hand?”
“This took me far longer than it should have…Batman, the batmobile won’t start; what’s a tery? Examine the battery.”
“Shit, you’re old.”
“I killed a mouse for you. I’ll do anything for you.”
“If you don’t want me to shop online, you really shouldn’t use my name for all your passwords. xxx”
“Now you understand why peter pan didn’t want to grow up. I focused so hard on what I wanted that I lost sight of what I deserved. I am who I am. I’m weird, I’m lame, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I scream about random & stupid stuff. But, I like it that way.”
